The “Grace of State” with Advisers

I don’t just listen to anyone, but I used to.

Sometime the advice would be good, encouraging and make me feel like new. I had hope and I knew that I had to make some difficult decisions but the end result would be wonderful.

Other times, however, the advice would be pretty terrible. What sounded like wisdom was actually something that would ultimately be unhelpful. Usually this advise had key words that suck out such as, “you deserve that,” or “screw them.” Following this advice would leave me even more depressed than when I started, feeling like a train ran over myself.

It is only very occasionally, now, that I take the advice of someone, and that trust has to be earned. This is what I call a “grace of state,” that is to say the adviser is in a certain state, [be it older, wiser, more experienced, more encouraged] and that state is somehow unique to me, it has a unique charisma that can give advice without fear, is done gently that when applied creates huge returns, that seems to be the exact word that I needed to hear. This is why I call it a “grace.” Therefore, the few advisers I trust today have a grace of state with me, and I am much more ready to take that advice than the advise of anyone else.

I don’t have only one coach / counselor / adviser. There is a reason for this. I believe it is vitally important to listen to what one’s coach or adviser says in order to better ones’ self. If the advice they give is hard or difficult, often the issue is with me, with the person who doesn’t want to  change. After all, no one likes being told that they are being impatient or uncharitable or acting outside of their integrity or that they are making bad decisions. However, sometimes the adviser is not right. Sometimes the adviser is frustrated or out of sorts or isn’t able to listen. If you meet a counselor that does not listen, that is a red flag that they are more interested in fixing you than actually helping you. That’s why a few, selected sources who have a “grace of state” can be extremely valuable.

Still, all of this advice is not worth much unless it is contemplated, unless time is taken to ingest what has been said, think it over, to integrate it with who we are and to put it into practice. For that reason I always carry a notebook and I set aside clear times for meditation and prayer in order to understand this advice more deeply.

It seems like a lot to go through in order to just get some good advice, but when considering the alternatives, it is by far the best option.

 

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