Factory Recall: Leaders

Congratulations! You are starting a brand new job! I want to introduce you to your very own, brand new, shiny and exciting leader!

Your leader is fresh from the factory and has the power to motivate you, to push you to do your best work, to model generosity, to inspire greater virtue and integrity, and to make you an even better you!

We here at Real Life HQ know that the demand for quality leadership far outpaces the supply, and that sometimes, well, buyers literally march in our doors, leave money on the table and walk off with incomplete products. Alas it really does hurt our brand image, and are grateful to Hope Inc., for ensuring that society doesn’t implode on itself.

Now, since many of these imperfect models are walking off the floor, and we know that leadership is a bit more of an art and less of a science, we here at Real Life HQ can’t guarantee that every model is a perfect image. Oh yes, there has been some attempt at government regulation, but that ended up in communism, which no one really enjoyed so we went back to the current model.

 

Now, as a quality control service to our leadership buyers, here is a quick cheat sheet to see whether your leader has a factory recall on him or her.

 

 

  1. Your leader is not present.
    If he or she is not in the office or at least checking in once a day via video chat, then that leader has a key flaw that will make him or her unable to evaluate your work effectively. If you observe this, your leader is likely to overheat and start steaming. Return immediately.
  2. Your leader changes his mind quickly.
    Sorry, sometimes leaders come with a dimmer switch instead of an on/off switch for making decisions. This can lead to scared, confused employees, creating a major turnover problem. Please call us for a consultation.
  3. His or her team members feel unsupported.
    If your leader came without a spinal column, we do apologize, sometimes pre-mature leaders walk off our floors before they have been tested. You can ship your leader back, and we will put a spine in free of charge, however the process may take a few years.
  4. Your leader is willing to lie.
    Some unscrupulous dupes have hard-soldered in hacks to the honesty circuitry of our leaders. Run a diagnostic conversation test with different groups of people on a difficult topic, and see if the stories match. If not, then return to factory.
  5. Your leader doesn’t know how to direct.
    If your leader regularly asks for finished products without giving clear instructions, he or she needs more experience. While not necessary to return, give this leader creative projects and send him to get some communication skills training.
  6. Your leader doesn’t get feedback from his team.
    If your leader doesn’t ask for feedback from his or her team members, we do sincerely apologize. Your leader is actually just a robot with a nicer suit jacket. You may either keep the robot and demote him, or return for the actual one.

Again, we do thank you at Real Life HQ for your interest in our leaders. If you have any trouble with making any factory recall returns, the helpful folks at Hard Decisions Ltd. are available for any further assistance.

In all seriousness: The phenomenal book by Dr. Henry Cloud “Boundaries for Leaders,” describes the behaviors that a leader can adopt that may make your work much more effective. Highly recommended!

If your leader is willing to exhibit any of these traits within the first 60 days of your employment, I recommend that you begin a new job search immediately.

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